Grief and the Presence of God

Psalm 139:7-12

“Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.”

Grief is a very natural, normal experience when you lose a loved one, whether it is a spouse, child, sibling, family member, friend or other acquaintance. And there are many different ways to grieve (fast, slow, internally, externally, etc…), all of which are perfectly acceptable. In most cases, the grieving process occurs naturally, with or without counseling from others.

This is not to say that grief is not hard. On the contrary, grief is incredibly difficult, and incredibly painful. Facing the reality of death combined with the loss of someone very close to you is nothing but painful. This pain should not be watered down in any way. However the “normalness” of grief reminds us that grief is not something that should be avoided, and is not something that needs to be fixed. Trying to “fix” grief will only lead to frustration, because grief is not something you can fix. It just happens. Just as you cannot stand at the bottom of a waterfall and stop the water crashing down, you cannot stop grief. And the “normalness” and different ways of grieving mentioned above also remind us that we need not find one specific model for grief that everyone should conform to. Grief will look different for different people.

So for the Christian, what is important in grief is not so much how we grieve, but who we grieve with. And this is where Psalm 139 becomes an immense source of comfort in the midst of grief. The verses above are rich and deep and profound. But they also contain a profoundly simple truth. God is with me. God is with me. Wherever I go, whatever I do, whatever I am feeling…God is with me. And God is not the fair weather fan, only showing up when our lives are great and wonderful. God is with us in the depths, in the darkness, in our pain. Even if the pain makes it difficult to subjectively experience God’s presence, we can know objectively that God is with us.

Therefore because of God’s presence in our lives we can and should grieve with God. Grieving with God will not make the pain any less painful. But grieving with God will give us peace and hope, and keep us from despair. Grieving with God places us in front of one who has not only wept over death but has also conquered death through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And grieving with God reminds us that no matter how much the death of a loved one turns our world upside down, God does not change, his character does not change, and his purposes do not change. So the truths about God that comforted us before our time of grief are the exact same truths that can comfort us when we do go through grief.

Because of God’s presence in our lives we can say with confidence that it is far easier to grieve with God than without him. And not only is it easier to grieve with God, it is better to grieve God. Grieving with God can give us more hope and comfort and peace, but grieving with God can also turn grief into a time of deep spiritual growth, so that we can follow God with a faith and perseverance that we did not have before our time of grief.

The common refrain I hear from people who have grieved with God is this: “I don’t know how people do this without God.” How true. I have seen people grieve without God who were paralyzed by pain and despair for years. But I have seen people grieve with God who have let God into their pain, been comforted by who God is, grown in their relationship with God, and come out of their time of intense grief ready and excited to serve God in deeper ways. My prayer for anyone who is grieving who does not know God is that they would come to know and experience the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-5) through accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. And my prayer for anyone who does know God is that they would grieve with God, that they would allow God into their pain, and experience the profound hope, comfort, and peace that can only come from the ever-present God.